If you have just experienced domestic abuse, you may feel overwhelmed, scared, or unsure what to do next. That is completely normal. This guide is designed to give you clear, practical steps you can take to protect yourself, your children, and your future. You do not need to do everything at once. Start where you are.
Step 1: Get to a Safe Place
Your immediate safety is the priority.
If you can leave safely, go somewhere the other person cannot access, such as a trusted friend’s home, a family member’s house, or a public place like a hospital or police station. If you are in immediate danger, call 911.
If you have time to prepare, or even after this incident, consider putting together a small bag that you can access quickly if you need to leave again. This may include identification, keys, medications, a change of clothes for you and your children, some cash, and important documents. Keep it somewhere safe or with someone you trust.
If leaving is not immediately possible, focus on reducing risk. Try to stay near exits, avoid rooms like kitchens or bathrooms where there are more potential hazards, and keep your phone accessible. Even small steps can increase your safety in the moment.
Step 2: Seek Medical Attention (Even If You Feel “Fine”)
Domestic abuse often causes injuries that are not immediately visible. If you were choked, hit your head, or feel dizzy, confused, or in pain, it is especially important to be evaluated. You might go to an emergency room, urgent care, or your primary care provider.
When you speak with a medical provider, tell them what happened. For example, instead of saying “I fell,” you might say, “My partner put pressure on my neck,” or “I was hit.” This helps ensure proper care and creates documentation that may become important later.
Even if symptoms seem minor at first, pay attention to changes over the next few days, such as headaches, voice changes, or difficulty swallowing, and seek follow-up care if needed.
Step 3: Document What Happened
As soon as you are able, begin documenting what occurred. You might start by writing a simple timeline of events in your own words, what happened, where it happened, and any statements that were made. This does not need to be formal or perfect.
Take photos of any injuries, even if they seem minor, and continue taking photos over several days as bruising or swelling develops. Save any texts, emails, or voicemails, especially if they include threats, apologies, or attempts to minimize what happened. For example, a message that says “I didn’t mean to hurt you” or “Don’t tell anyone” can be important context later.
Keep this information somewhere safe, ideally not on a device the other person can access physically or remotely.
Step 4: Understand Your Legal Options and Get Guidance
Domestic abuse often intersects with legal issues like custody, parenting time, and financial support. Getting the right information early can make a meaningful difference.
In Minnesota, one of the most immediate legal tools available is an Order for Protection (OFP). An OFP can prohibit contact, require the other person to leave the home, and address temporary custody and parenting time.
For example, an OFP can prevent the other party from coming to your home or workplace, establish that children remain in your care temporarily, and limit or structure communication. These orders are often issued quickly, sometimes the same or next business day, based on your written request. More importantly, an Emergency OFP can be sought and obtained without notice to the abuser. Ultimately, the abuser will learn of the OFP, if granted, when the abuser is served with the protective order by law enforcement. However, in the event an OFP is granted, a petitioning party can prevent the abuser from learning of the attempt to obtain an OFP.
Speaking with a Minnesota family law attorney can help you understand how to request an OFP, how it may affect custody, and what steps to take next. You do not need to have a full plan before reaching out, this step is about getting clarity and making informed decisions.
Step 5: Consider Whether to Involve Law Enforcement
You have the option to report what happened to law enforcement. This might involve calling the police during or immediately after an incident or making a report later. An officer may take a statement, photograph injuries, speak with witnesses, and prepare a report. In some cases, this can lead to criminal charges or additional protective measures. For example, if there was physical violence, threats, or strangulation, law enforcement may treat the situation very seriously, even if there are no visible injuries.
At the same time, it is important to acknowledge that this is an extremely personal decision.
There are many valid reasons why someone may choose not to contact law enforcement right away, or at all. You may be concerned about escalating the situation, worried about how the other person will respond, unsure how it could impact your children, or fearful of financial consequences or housing instability, or secondary concerns, such as immigration status. Some individuals also have prior experiences or concerns that make involving law enforcement feel unsafe or uncertain. All of those considerations are real and valid.
What matters is that you understand this option exists and can provide additional protection and documentation in certain circumstances. Regardless of whether you choose to involve law enforcement, it is important that take steps to protect yourself and you disclose what happened to your family law attorney. This information can directly impact decisions related to custody, parenting time, and safety planning.
If you decide not to report the incident, documenting what occurred becomes even more important. Writing down the details, saving communications, and preserving evidence can help ensure that your experience is still understood and addressed within the legal process.
There is no single “right” choice here, only the choice that best supports your safety and your situation.
Step 6: Protect Your Children
If children are involved, their safety becomes part of the legal process. You may need to make decisions quickly about where they will stay, who will care for them, and how contact with the other parent will be handled. This could include keeping the children with you, requesting supervised parenting time, requesting that the abuser receive no access to the children, or limiting communication to written platforms.
If your children witnessed the abuse or were nearby, that information can be important in both legal and therapeutic contexts. Courts take these concerns seriously, with the focus on creating a safe and stable environment moving forward.
Step 7: Prioritize Therapy and Trauma-Informed Support
Experiencing domestic abuse, especially physical violence, can have lasting psychological effects, even after the immediate danger has passed. Individual therapy, group therapy, and trauma-focused counseling can all play an important role in the healing process. Many survivors find that learning about trauma, how it affects the brain and body, and how to cope with it, can be both validating and empowering.
If you have children, this becomes even more important. Caring for your children often begins with caring for yourself. Children are deeply affected by what they experience and what they observe. When a parent receives support, develops coping tools, and begins to heal, it creates stability and safety for the child as well.
From a legal perspective, mental health is one factor courts consider in determining the “best interests of the child” when addressing custody and parenting time. However, courts also give significant weight to domestic abuse. Seeking therapy is not a negative, it is often viewed as a responsible and proactive step toward stability and healing.
There is also a common concern about privacy. While medical and therapy records can, in some cases, be subject to discovery, courts and providers recognize that unrestricted access to therapeutic records can be harmful. As a result, courts rarely allow unfettered access, and in cases involving documented domestic violence or findings of abuse, it is uncommon for an accused abuser to gain access to those records. The focus remains on safety, healing, and protecting the well-being of both the survivor and the children.
Step 8: Build a Support System
You do not have to go through this alone. Support can take many forms. It might be a friend who lets you stay with them, a family member who helps with childcare, or an advocate who helps you understand your options. You might consider reaching out to a local domestic violence organization, where advocates can assist with safety planning, court accompaniment, or finding counseling resources. Even identifying one or two trusted people and letting them know what is happening can make a meaningful difference.
Step 9: Create a Safety Plan
As you move forward, think about what you would do if the situation escalates again. This may include identifying multiple safe places you can go, arranging transportation in advance, and keeping essential items accessible. You might also create a plan with your children, such as where they should go or who they should call if something happens.
For example, you might keep your car fueled and positioned for a quick exit, memorize or write down important phone numbers, or establish a code word with a trusted person to signal that you need help.
A safety plan does not have to be complicated. It just needs to work for you.
Step 10: Take the Next Step – At Your Pace
There is no single “right” way to move forward. Some people take immediate legal action. Others focus first on safety, housing, or emotional support. Both approaches are valid.
You might begin by scheduling a consultation, contacting an advocate, or simply gathering information. Each step builds on the last. What matters is that you are moving forward, even if it feels slow or uncertain.
You Are Not Alone
Domestic abuse can feel isolating, but there are resources and people who can help. If you are in immediate danger, call 911. You can also contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for confidential support.
How We Can Help
At Lommen Abdo, we work with individuals navigating complex and urgent family law situations, including domestic abuse. We help clients understand their options, obtain legal protections, and take practical steps forward with safety as the priority. We offer free consultations and can refer you to other resources who can assist and coordinate with our office. If you have questions, we are here to help.
About the Author
Andrew T. Hunstad is a family law attorney at Lommen Abdo, P.A., representing clients throughout Minnesota in divorce, custody, and domestic abuse matters, including Orders for Protection. Andrew regularly works with individuals facing urgent and high-conflict situations where safety, parenting, and financial stability are at stake. He understands that domestic abuse cases can be both deeply personal and legally complex.
He brings experience and working knowledge of trauma-informed practices to his work, and frequently helps clients connect with appropriate support systems and resources for survivors and their children. His approach is straightforward: provide clear guidance, protect his clients’ safety and rights, and help them take practical steps forward during some of the most difficult moments in their lives.